Triumphant BoJo batted to whiff-whaff wheeze

Boris Johnson delighted delegates with his ripsnorting Conservative conference speech. But would David Cameron be happier if the London Mayor now vacated the spotlight?

Boris bounded into a drinks party thrown by Caroline Spelman, where the party’s official leader was trying not to look triumphalist. “Oi, Dave,” shouted BoJo, still on a high from his ovation. “Are you going to lend me your pass?” The look on Cameron’s face suggested this was not high on his agenda. “They’ve only given me a two-day pass for conference and you have a full week’s one,” complained the mayor, eyeballing the leader’s accreditation.

“That’s because you’re meant to be back in London running the capital,” said the boss. “We can’t have you loafing around here all week.” So, in the tradition of all great stand-ups, Boris is here for “one night only”. But he does have a wizard wheeze for when he returns to London: the resumption of his Beijing battle over the authorship of table tennis. “We’re going to have an exhibition in City Hall about the history of ping-pong, whiff-whaff and gossima. We will find out once and for all who invented the game.”

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